• Barack Obama has taken a 9 point lead in the polls leading to the New Hampshire primaries tomorrow. Upon hearing this, Hillary Clinton responded: "Yes, it's true that Obama has risen in the polls, but you know what else has risen? My artificial eyebrows . . . so, you know." I'm not sure what she was intending by that statement, but oh well.

• Roger Clemens recently held a press conference to assert his innocence with regard to performance enhancing drugs. I quote Roger: "I hate drugs. I hate the fact that they help your career when you're aging so bad your team doesn't want you anymore. I hate that they make you mad enough to throw a broken bat at Mike Piazza. I hate that they make me so mad that I WILL KILL YOU ALL! ARG!!!!" He then turned into the Hulk and threw a trash can at a reporter.
• Many don't know that Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee believes that evolution is a myth. He also believes that life begins at conception. This seemed odd to me, so in an in-depth personal interview with Huckabee, he also revealed to me that he didn't believe in cavemen, Harry Potter, NASA, DNA, twenty dollar bills, magma, and baseball. But who can blame him for not believing in baseball? Not me, that's for sure.
• In a closing note, Brittney Spears was taken to the hospital because they found an astonishingly large tumor in the part of her brain that controls sanity, so . . . you know, it really explains a lot.