Observations and Queries: 1

• You know what I think America needs? A really good murder-investigation show. How many people have to die before we get a good murder-investigation show?
• Another thing America needs is more reality shows that incorporate dancing and TV/movie "stars" that nobody knows. How many people have to die before we have more washed up soap opera stars dancing in ice-skates?
• You want to know the most underrated comedian of all-time? It's a tie: Bob Saget and Tori Spelling. Think of the funny kids they'd have.
• I'm really puzzled as to why the terrorists think that the United States is an evil, heathen nation that mocks morality without adhearing to any God-centered ethic themselves. Just to clear things up for us Americans, those great prison guards at Guantanomo Bay decided to take pictures with the terrorists in provocative positions, degrading everything that human beings hold sacred. That'll teach those ignorant terrorists! Bless the U.S.A. Bless us straight to hell.
• I'm really glad that teenage kids have gotten a hold of their sweating problems. You've probably noticed too--now they wear those sweat bands on their arms, and since sweat bands in general are ridiculous looking, you know the kids are thinking of their hygiene more than their looks. Nobody wants to be caught with sweaty arms when they go to grab their Razor Scooter.
• If your parents were sports writers, you're probably bi-polar.
• I don't know about you, but I am so excited for movies this summer! Number one on my list? The Devil Wears Prada. How can that not be a blockbuster? Oh, because the very name of the movie makes me want to punch someone, that's how.
• If your parents were terrorists, you probably hate me.
• You want to know the other movie I'm really looking forward to? Snakes on Planes. Apparently there's these snakes and they're on this plane. . . . . . . . . . dang! that movie sounds like crap too! There are millions of starving people across the world and the best Americans can do with millions of billions dollars is to make and see The Devil Wears Prada and Snakes on Planes? What's with people?
• If your parents were Americans, given the choice between giving money to someone who just wants to eat some food and spending it on a DVD of Garfield 2: Tale of Two Kitties, you'd choose the latter. Bless the U.S.A.