Queries and Observations

• Here's a list of things that I think Tony Blair should consider, now that he's out of office as Britain's Prime Minister: 1) the new host of The Price Is Right. I can picture it now: Tony with that long mic, asking what the contestants bid is . . . actually, come to think of it, I can picture anyone doing that. Bob Barker was a sham of a host! Anyway, 2) Paris Hilton's spokesperson (by the way, how does someone become a celebrity spokesperson? And how is that a legitimate job? To put it in an informal way, it's really just talking for someone.). Tony would stay in the public eye and he'd always have something to say--though it might be a personal hit going from addressing Parliment about the ethical implications of the war in Iraq, to talking to Access Hollywood about how Paris wants to put out another album. 3) (I think this is the one he should do) He could be on the show on the Discovery channel Man vs. Wild (where a guy is dropped off in a remote location and has to find food and eventually his way to civilization). I can picture it now: Tony is in the middle of the Himilayan mountains looking into the camera and talking about how he would rather be doing peace talks in Lebanon right now.
• Bruce Willis has a new movie coming out called Live Free of Die Hard. I've gotta be honest, I don't think this is a good role for Bruce. He's more adept at playing sensitive, caring characters who don't shoot guns to get attention, they talk about it. Of course, I may be confusing him with Hugh Grant, but they both can't really act so I'm not sure which is which.
• Oh yeah, Paris Hilton was released from jail. She was in jail, I don't know if that was known, but apparently she was in jail for fraud, or defamation of her character, or something weird like that. But she was released after serving 23 days of her 40 day sentence. Upon leaving jail she was quoted as saying: "Jail has really changed me. I mean, instead of saying 'that's hot,' from now on I'm going to say 'that's criminal,' which will be so hot--I mean, criminal! Heh heh. Anyway, I'm also going to live each day like it's my last, meaning that I'll just party and hangout with celebrities and stuff like that from now on." After this statement was made, in a not-so-surprising-move, Los Angeles prosecutors began a push for the death penalty for Hilton.
• In a related story, the world is coming to an end. That's right folks, scientists have proven that the world will soon come to an end--meaning that "all hell will soon break loose, and we will reap the whirlwind," to quote renound scientist Herbert Shultz of Yale University. With global warming, Paris Hilton's release from prison, intense religious conflict, and Bob Barker's retirement, it's very safe to say the world is coming to an end. So spend your money, kiss your wife, and eat as much junk food as you want because (like the picture) the world will soon catch fire.