Observations and Queries: 5

• Apparently there's a heat wave going through America and we need to cut energy somehow. Here are some ways I've thought of: use oil lamps instead of street lights, instead of turning on the lights in your house at night--don't, steal your gasoline instead of buying it, or cut back on the amount of TV you watch by only watching quality programs--that alone would cure America of any energy crisis.
• Out of all the stupid things to do in life, being born to the Jackson family (Michael, Janet, Tito, etc.) would be the stupidest.
• Floyd Landis, the American who recently won the Tour de France, was caught with abnormal amounts of testosterone in his system. I'd like to believe him when he says it's natural, but the fact that he has three adam's apples and a head of hair on the bottom of his feet doesn't convince me.
• Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married this weekend. Good for them. You know what would kill two birds with one stone? If they got married at a NASCAR race or Lynard Skinard concert--then everyone who actually cared about their wedding would already be gathered. And you know what would kill two red-necks with one stone? A shotgun.
• David Hasselhoff is really making a comeback. I wonder if he knows that everyone's making fun of him.
• The prosecutors against Saddam Hussein apparently requested the death penalty for Suddam. Not surprisingly Suddam requested the same thing for them.
• Lance Bass of N'Sync recently came out of the closet by revealing that he's gay. On a related note, it was also revealed that the earth is round, ice is cold, Nazi's were bad, and eating food will keep you alive.
• If your parents were red-necks you're probably either embarrassed, uneducated, drunk, unbathed for two weeks, or all of the above.
• The wife of artist Prince (or The Artist Formly Know as Prince) filed for divorce saying that she was shocked when she realized that her husband was a "creepy, martian-looking man who is probably looking to hook up with Lance Bass from N'sync." His wife was equally shocked when she found out that dirt is brown, puppies are dogs, Prince is gay, and the sun is hot.
• Katharine McPhee, who was second in this year's American Idol, has reportedly overcome her bulimia problem to join the rest of the Idols on their tour. Tragically though, Taylor Hicks couldn't overcome his physical problems and died of old age during the tour. His mourning grandchildren said he died at peace, surrounded by his genereations of family memebers whom he loved, and danced gracefully into death like only he could do--which incidentally looked like an epileptic seizure. Hicks died at age 84.