The BBQ

I sat there unable to escape. I wonder what's the quickest way to knock someone unconscious. . . and when is killing a sin? Because I really don't see the difference between this and war. The craziest part was that I felt no remorse for the thoughts I was having. Was I jealous that this guy, whom I didn't even know ten minutes ago, was boasting about his recent investments? Possibly. But that wasn't the issue.
"So when I decided to go with the short-term mortage loan, the deal was pretty much over with. But buying a new home really sets you up. . . "
I sat trapped in a lawn chair. Trapped by a foe so oblivious that I could've mouthed the words "I will kill you" and he wouldn't have blinked. What's worse than getting advice from someone that you don't know about a subject that doesn't interest you? Why does society bind us to this person? If we were a couple of Cro-magnon men out in the jungle somewhere, would I have to stay where I am and listen to nonsense that doesn't interest me? No. I'd just push him over, steal his food, and run.
I can't feel my face. This frequently happened when I was in a situation that became so awkward that the circulation to my face became restricted.
"I don't know if you've ever had to talk with real estate agents, but let me tell you. . ."
"Actually," I cut him off--I love cutting people off when they can't stand to not talk. Does that make me a bad person? Anyway. "I have talked to a real estate agent before. My aunt is a real estate agent."
"No, I mean really talk to one. Let me give you some advice for if you ever have the opportunity to buy a home. . . "
Is this guy for real? How condescending, how patronizing can a person be without realizing it? I ought to punch you right in the mouth. Yes you! How can this guy not know that I hate him right now for talking to me like I'm his grandson? It's a good question that I still wonder about. Does someone with a lisp not know that they have a lisp? If I tell someone that they're a moron, do I not know that I'm mean? Unless this was this guy's first social experience, he has no excuse for being so ridiculously ignorant.
"You know what you ought to do? I have the number of a great agent, maybe he could show you some homes or condos or something."
"I'm okay where I am, thanks." That's not true. . . you're looking into buying a home yourself, what's wrong with you? Why won't you just let the jerk help you? Why are you asking questions in the third-person?
Pride is an interesting thing. If this guy were asking to put out my shirt fire I wouldn't have let him. It just goes to show that men are willingly stupid creatures. You think we're so far removed from the big horn sheep that butt heads until one of them gives up? No. We seek superiority--that superfluous ledge that enables us to look down on other men. It's absurd!
"Hey, I have to go. . . "
It's about time you left, you piece of common street trash.
". . . but it's been great to talk to you. Give me a call sometime and we'll play a round of golf or something."
"Oh absolutely. I'll see you later."
I didn't say a single thing I had been thinking. I just let him go thinking he'd won. Man I hate being a stupid man sometimes!