Episode 8: Marriage
*note: the characters and events contained in these episodes are strictly fictional. Any resemblance to the characters and events in real life is purely coincidental.

Paul: (very angry) I can't stand this thing! Arg! [he rips off his tie and throws it to the ground then picks it up] What is this thing?! Huh?! What is it?!

Justin: Well now I'm not a clothing expert, but I think it's called a tie.

Paul: I know but what does it do? It just hangs there. It's like I'm wearing a collar and this thing is the leash! I can't stand it! It's a metaphorical noose and I'm metaphorically hanging!

Justin: What the crap does that even mean?

Paul: (angry) I don't know but the inventor of this thing was a sick, twisted Nazi!

Ryan: Actually I think they originated with Abraham Lincoln. He wore it in protest of the anti-revolutionists. It caused quite a stir.

Elliot: No I don't think that's right. I'm pretty sure it started with the Eskimos. They would go to events that required formal dress, but they still needed to keep their necks warm--thus came the invention of the neck tie.

Paul: (irate) Well either way it's driving me crazy!

Justin: What's going on? Who cares about a stupid tie?

Elliot: Paul, are you okay?

Paul: No I'm not okay! I had my heart ripped right out of my chest today! Like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Remember that guy that would rip out peoples' hearts clear from their chests?

Elliot: Yeah.

Paul: Well it's like that.

Ryan: Who is this girl?

Paul: I can't talk about it. My heart feels like it's in my foot...and I'm stepping on it everytime I walk. I'm in such pain!

Ryan: C'mon, just tell us.

Paul: Okay...she's this girl that's in my history class. I've sat by her every class period and she smells like gummy bears. She gives me signs that she likes me all the time too. Oh did she ever give me signs!

Elliot: Like what?

Paul: Well the other day she asked me if I had a pen, and when she asked me she put her hand on my forearm. Eh?

Justin: ...And?

Paul: Well, she also told me that I have an amazing knack for historical facts and that someday I should run for President.

Ryan: That's it? That sounds like compliments from your mother.

Paul: Well that doesn't matter! She liked me okay? I could just tell. Our love was kindled and grew into a flame of desire!

Elliot: So how'd she pull your heart from your chest?

Paul: Well...she...uh, kinda has another commitment. And it's not one I'm sure I want to get involved with.

Justin: Oh, she's dating a football player and your scared he's going to punch you in the brain. That's it, isn't it?

Paul: It's not a football player, okay? She's...kind of...ya know--married.

Elliot: What?!

Paul: But I think she still likes me! I'm almost positive!

Elliot: Dude, SHE'S MARRIED! Are you kidding me? What--are you gonna be like Robert Redford in Indecent Proposal?

Paul: (calm) Oh, I haven't seen that, is it good?

Elliot: Yeah, it's pretty good.

Ryan: Isn't that the one with Michelle Pfiefer?

Justin: No, it's Demi Moore.

Ryan: Oh.

Elliot: Paul, she doesn't like you. I'm pretty sure she likes her husband more than she likes you.

Paul: She does, I swear! (pause) Is it even bad to like a married woman?

Justin: No it's not bad. You know while you're at it, why don't you start selling poison cupcakes to orphan kids?

Ryan: Yeah, or you could punch a nun or rob a church, there's plenty of things up your immoral alley.

Paul: Here's the thing though--I'm not sure she's actually married.

Elliot: What do you mean?

Paul: Well she has a ring on her finger, but it doesn't look like a normal wedding ring. It looks like some gypsy ring she could've gotten from her grandmother.

Justin: Did you just call her grandmother a gypsy?

Ryan: Maybe it's like her birth-stone or something. My sisters have birth-stone rings.

Paul: Birth-stone? Wait, I think it is a birth-stone! But there's really only one way to find out.

Justin: What's that?

Paul: I'm going to ask her out. I'm just gonna jump on board and see if she takes.

Justin: Paul that makes absolutely no sense in more ways than one.

[Missy enters and beside her is a female student]

Missy: Boys, can I have your attention? Boys? Attention? Ugh.

[The boys rush to look like they're doing work: Paul starts organizing papers, Justin picks up the phone and acts like he's dialing, Ryan starts to type on the computer, and Elliot can't find anything to do.]

Missy: Guys...guys I said not to do that, I know you were "working" as usual, so don't fake it, okay?

[The boys stop what they're doing]

Missy: Okay, well since Trevor was fired after he pulled the fire alarm that left a spot open for another student-employee. And since you guys had a tantrum last time I announced that I was going to hire someone, I just went ahead and hired Madelyn here.

Madelyn: Hello! I'm excited to be working with you all.

[All the boys give a pathetic welcome--except for Ryan. He seems to be mesmerized by Madelyn]

Missy: Madelyn, I'll be in the back if you need me. These boys will show you around.

Madelyn: Okay.

[Missy walks away and the other boys ignore her but Ryan walks up to her]

Ryan: (in lady-lovin' mode) Hey, so...uh, how you doin'?

Madelyn: Um, I'm good. What's your name?

Ryan: Ryan. My name...is Ryan. I would love to take you out for a date. I could show you the wonders of single life and maybe we could express our thoughts and feelings to one another.

Madelyn: Oh, okay. I guess...but there aren't any rules about in-office dating here, are there?

Ryan: Girl, even if there were, they couldn't stop me from doing what I do. Ya know what I'm saying? I have something special to do this weekend...and I'd love it if you came with me.

Madelyn: What is it?

Ryan: Oh, it's a surprise. Don't you worry, it'll be a beautiful surprise.

Madelyn: Okay, I'd love to go with you.

Ryan: How 'bout I pick you up on Saturday at 7 am.

Madelyn: 7 is pretty early.

Ryan: It's the hour of love, m'lady.

to be continued