Episode 6 (continued): The Derby

[The demolition derby where Paul is sitting by himself waiting for Carla to come back]

Paul: (thinking) Okay, now think about this--figuring out what outspoken means should be easy...I'll just think about if I've talked a lot around her or not. All right, there was that time when I went on and on about how puffy Cheetos are bigger than normal Cheetos yet they don't fill you up as fast so they should either be in larger bags or cost less...I think I talked about that for two days, so maybe she thinks I talk too much. Yeah, I think that's it! And when I gave her an exposition about how Scooby Doo is way better without Scrappy Doo. So maybe I talk too much! I think that's it! I'll just quit--oh no. Wait a second...there was that time when we went on that double-date with her roommate and I tried to act cool like Johnny Depp--I never spoke the whole night. (really angry) Crap! And the other day when I ate so many Blow Pops that my tongue turned brown and I was embarrassed to open my mouth--I didn't say a word then either! Arg! I'm never gonna figure this out! And if I ask her what 'outspoken' means she'll think I'm an idiot.

[Carla walks up]

Carla: (exhausted) Sorry Paul, they had to get him stabilized before the life-flight came.

Paul: (nervous) Hmm...wow...is that so?

Carla: Yeah. Anyway, let's go...I'm not in the mood to keep watching this derby--it's too disturbing. The last thing I need now is any more emotional distress. Which reminds me, let's talk about the 'us' thing tomorrow or something.

Paul: (thinking) Okay, try talking a lot and see if that's it. (speaking swiftly to Carla) You know Carla, it's very appropriate at this time of distress that you share your feelings with me. I know you don't feel like it but you really ought to. Here's why: first off, you need to express these things or you may bottle them up into a tight little wad of rage until you explode and end up spitting at your grandma when all she wants to do is make you cookies and call you 'cutie pie'. Second off: by sharing your feelings and thoughts you would be forming and strengthening a bond between you and I that could fortify you for future difficulties. Four out of Five psychiatrists believe that when bonds between two people are strong you can avoid such things as depression and stress-related rashes.

Carla: (hesitant) Rashes? Well...okay Paul. It makes sense--even though you were kind of hard to understand cause you were talking so fast.

Paul: (thinking) Good job jerk, outspoken obviously means that you talk too much. No big deal, just go into Johnny Depp mode.

Carla: Well when my brother got hurt it really scared me. I don't know...have you ever lost a sibling?

Paul: (acting cool/quiet) Hmm. [gives an "I don't know" shrug]

Carla: Or at least have you ever been in a life or death situation?

Paul: [sighs] (quietly) Maybe.

Carla: Was it scary? I mean, did you break out in a cold sweat or did your heart beat out of your chest?!

Paul: [gives a look that says "yikes"]

Carla: (upset) Doesn't it scare you that death can come at any time?!

Paul: [doesn't say a word; just looks at her with a blank expression]

Carla: (angry) Are you even listening to me?! You're the one who told me to "form the bond" so I wouldn't spit on my grandma! What were you even saying? Paul, I don't get you!

[she gets up and walks away]

Paul: [looks at her silently shaking his head 'no'.]

--

[Justin and Elliot down by the derby cars. Justin is putting his cell phone away.]

Justin: Well, Coralie looked it up on three different sources and all agree that you lost the bet--outspoken means that you talk a lot.

Elliot: That's okay, I kinda wanted to get into a derby car. For some reason all those cars sputtering around in the mud reminds me of a Flinstone's car and that's just too appealing to pass up.

Justin: The way that those cars are ripped up you probably could punch your feet through the bottom soon. Hey! Paul's girlfriend's brother just got hurt--you could hop in his car.

[Justin and Elliot run over to the derby car pit]

Announcer: All right folks and friends, we're starting the 'Death Round'. We all knows what that means, but just for you city folk visitin'--this here round is gonna be our last and it's a last man standing sort of deal. So hold on to yer hats and hold on tighter to yer brewskies cause here comes the Death Round!

Justin: Okay man, there's the car...you gotta time it right. When the crew isn't looking and there's a couple seconds 'til the round begins hop in. Now when they start chasing you, I'll yell out, "Hey, It's Dale Earnhart Jr. passing out free Budweiser's!" And that's when--

[Justin turns toward Elliot and he's gone]

Justin: What the....?

[Elliot is walking up to the crew]

Elliot: Howdy fellas. You guys using this car?

Crew member: Uh, no not really. Why, you wanna drive it?

Elliot: Well okay.

[Justin walks up]

Justin: What the crap? How did you do that?

Elliot: Justin, I grew up in a teeny town in Idaho. I know these people...unfortunately, I am one of these people. And we recognize our own.

[Elliot puts on the helmet and gets in the car. The car is in awful condition. The wheels are bent and the back of the car is completely smashed in.]

Elliot: Wish me luck!

Justin: I hope you don't die! [waves as Elliot sputters away]

--

[back at the Registration office with Elliot, Paul, Justin, and Ryan]

Ryan: You won the derby?!

Elliot: Yeah, and I was the only guy who walked away with all my appendages intact.

Justin: Tell him how much money you won.

Elliot: A cool 2 g's.

Ryan: (shocked) $2,000! Are you joking?! Wow, I missed out!

Elliot: That's all right, I'll take you out to dinner some time.

Ryan: So Paul, how'd your night go?

Paul: (sarcastic) Well, if success is measured in how many times you get broken up with and spit on, I had a magical night.

Justin: Carla broke up with you?

Paul: Yeah, she said something about how I'm a bi-polar loser with no heart or conscience. So then I made fun of her name, her town, her mom, and her brother--who's in intensive care and isn't going to be eating solid foods for months.

Elliot: That's pretty harsh Paul.

Paul: What kind of name is 'Carla Cusword' anyway?

the end