Setting: A Registration Office of a University

Cast:
Paul Jefferies as "Paul" (student employee)
Justin Stokes as "Justin" (student employee)
Elliot McMillan as "Elliot" (student employee)
Rodney Wardle as "Rodney" (student employee)
Missy Mumford as "Missy" (the boss)

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[Justin and Paul are sitting at their work cubicles]

Justin: So you have a movie about a movie set?

Paul: Yeah, a horror movie set, and on the set people start dying...one by one. All of the sudden we turn this thing into a biting satire. A smart comedy. We cast Steve Martin as the detective and call it Quiet on the Set. Brilliant!

[Elliot enters]

Elliot: What's brilliant?

Justin: Paul's telling me about his cinematic revelations.

Paul: How about this one? We have a movie about a movie theater! We cast some hot, teen actors and explore things like the the stuff caught on the sticky floor, the political struggle of night manager, and the cancer-causing oil they use to butter the popcorn. We call it: Coming Soon.

Justin: Paul, that's like going to a baseball game to watch the ticket takers. It wouldn't work.

Elliot: That movie would be about as exciting as a movie about the security guards at a Barry Manilow concert. (sarcastically) Now there's a must see.

Paul: (pauses to think) Okay, what about a sequel to Patch Adams where he takes up magic in a funeral home to cheer up grieving families. We call it Abra-cadaver.

[Rodney walks in; his shirt is untucked and his tie is loose. He has unkempt stubble and dirt on his pants]

Rodney: Five bucks! (does a kick)

Justin: Huh?

Rodney: Five bucks! I got five bucks today. Five!

Paul: That's like twice what you get paid per hour here, and yet you still showed up for work.

Elliot: So uh, what's the deal?

Rodney: Get this gents--So last weekend I need to take the bus to get to the Llama Fest '05, but I get to the bus stop and I realize that I don't have bus fare. So, I'm so disappointed I sit down in the curb--in my grungiest clothes mind you--

Elliot: Why were you in grungy clothes?

Rodney: This is llama fest '05! Llamas! They stink and spit and kick up dirt. I can't be wearin' my lady-lovin' clothes. ...So anyway, I'm sittin' there on the curb and all of the sudden a woman gives me a buck. And then another dude gives me a dime. Before I knew it I had 2 dollars and was on my way to Llamapaloosa! I'm a bonafide beggar!

Paul: What?!

Justin: You've reached an admirable level of genius here.

Rodney: I made 2 bucks in an hour!

Elliot: But Rodney that was last Saturday--which was two days ago, and you still look like a vagrant. Have you bathed since then?

Rodney: Yes. But I haven't shaved. I have to look the part! I've been begging ever since. That's where I just came from. I got 5 bucks in one hour! Five bucks for nothin'!

Justin: So...you're a homeless man now.

Rodney: Would I pose as a homeless man? ....No. .....Have I posed as a homeless man? ....Yes.

Elliot: Do you realize what you're doing? You can't beg for money--you have a job! That's like Kobe Bryant splitting time between the Lakers and a local high school. Would you want to work hard to make a team and then they bring in Shaquille O'neal and you never see the ball? It's like the homeless, they've worked hard to get to where they are.

Rodney: What?

Justin: You're stealing their business. I'll tell you, if the homeless ever get wise to you they'll be all over you--throwing their cans at you and things. It's rough.

Rodney: Are you kidding? Did you know that 45% of beggars actually own homes. It's like a part-time job.

Paul: (thoughtful) Wait a minute...this could be the perfect job. You set your own hours, it's commission based, and you are your own boss.

Elliot: Plus the dress code couldn't be more relaxed, and you can whiz in the streets anytime you want!

Paul: It's like you have a public urination license.

Elliot: (excited) Yea!

Paul: You know this could be the break I'm looking for. I could move into that bigger apartment with the sink that has the hot and cold faucets separate.

Elliot: I love those.

Justin: What?

Paul: Think about it Justin, how much are you making right now?

Justin: $10.50 an hour.

Elliot & Paul: 10.50!

Elliot: I'm making 6.25!

Paul: Me too!

Elliot: Are you kidding me? (turns to his boss) Missy, what's the deal with moneybags over here making 10.50.

Missy: Well, he's been working here over three years. And, may I remind you, he's getting married.

Elliot & Paul: (not satisfied) Oh yeah, sure, of course.

Paul: Anyway, 5 bucks an hour begging, we spend 4 hours on Freedom Blvd Friday night...20 bucks in the bank!

Rodney: YEAH (kicks)

Justin: Hold on, hold on...I can't believe you guys are actually considering this.


to be continued....